


Hollow Waters

by woofbebe



Category: Monsta X (Band), 걸어 | All in - Monsta X (Music Video)
Genre: Angst, Bathtub Couple, Bromance Hyunghyuk, Canon Compliant, Hyungwon-centric, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Potions, Resurrection, Suicide Attempt, Worth of Our Lives' sequel, based on All In to We Are Here teasers, partly based on Amor Fati too, wow that's rare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 05:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17656616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woofbebe/pseuds/woofbebe
Summary: It was his sin.He ran for the things his life didn’t have. He could have Minhyuk, but he still chose to ran away. Now that he was brought to life, Minhyuk is nowhere. Instead, he was hit even more by sceneries that kept reminding him of Minhyuk.Maybe.Maybe he could meet him in the afterlife, but there was never any guarantee to begin with.This was his punishment.





	Hollow Waters

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah this is just a short fic. You know what, I kinda left Twitter for a few days and when I got back a dead body was all over, imagine my h EART. And I know I said I wanna be captaining Wonhyuk (and I swear I DID try, on Twitter), but seems like Hyunghyuk is still my muse for fics-- I didn’t think this through as much since the teasers are still vague, plot-wise, and so I just tried to match it with my (2 years old *cough*) Hyunghyuk fic, ‘Worth of Our Lives’. It’s really just a piece to somewhat portray the emotions and theme, really. Changed the flashback from italic, btw, hope it doesn't mess with the feel;;

_._

 

They were at their ‘usual’ gathering. Jooheon was still preparing the mixture, with Changkyun and Kihyun still extracting the blue flowers.

All of them were dressed in black, the dresscode of this weekly communion of theirs. The color clashing nicely with the colorful paints that were part of their ritual. Something to remind themselves of happiness and love in the dark times that they lived in, Jooheon said. The dark color made them feel a bit warmer in the humid greenhouse that was their randezvous point, making their backs sweat, but none of them felt like it was a problem. It would only help them in absorbing the substance of the flower, stimulating them while they were basking in each other’s presence.

As usual, Hyungwon sat beside Minhyuk. Despite all of them were pretty close, nothing came close to Minhyuk to him. He was the one that he had known for longest, having only known the others for a few varying years.

“Here”, said Jooheon, interrupting his train of thoughts as he was distributing each portion of the blue concoction.

It was time.

As soon as everyone got their dose, Jooheon started the ritual, and in no time, they were high.

Things went by as a blur, with the mantras being casted in the background. It was during these moments that everyone took the chances to seek comfort in the one closest to them, reeling in the height provided by the flower best they could.

He could feel Minhyuk getting closer, his snow-white hair brushing his brown strands, the heat of his breath close to his cheek. Hyungwon sought that warmth back in return, closing the gap between their foreheads, and staring back into his friend’s eyes.

_“...If they don’t love you, I will.”_

The other murmured while grasping his hands, playing with the nook and cranny between his fingers.

It was such a simple statement. A simple statement that ran so deep, despite at the time falling almost deaf to Hyungwon’s ears. Almost.

Hyungwon thought that maybe he was such an obvious person, because Minhyuk seemed to always know his worries, know what he loved, his thoughts; thing is, he was sure it only happened that way with Minhyuk.

\--

 

Hyungwon was still shocked from the abuse of his so-called father from an hour earlier, but he recognised his friend’s voice.

A trembling voice asked,

“A-Are you okay?”

It was Minhyuk.

He started to ramble at first, still unsure of the situation. However, soon after registering everything his voice dropped, and sounded a lot darker.

“....What am I saying... Of course you’re not.”

There were many things that his friend were saying, he was sure. But still, he couldn’t care much, didn’t manage to register most of it. Everything was still a blur to him, but of all things, he was just glad he could see Minhyuk one more time.

“I’m here, Hyungwon. I’m here. _I will be with you_ ”, his friend reassured.

Hyungwon was still feeling hollow, but he found solace in his voice.

Finally he could find a good frame to nest the last of his life in.

A voice of a friend that was always dear to him.

“....Don’t worry. I’ll make them pay.”

Minhyuk’s voice sounded sinister, his hands on Hyungwon’s cheeks still trembling. Hyungwon wanted to tell him to stay, wanted to ask him to come back to his warm, cheerful self, to not taint himself with what he was about to do; but he couldn’t. It was all a fleeting thought in his broken soul.

It was the last time he saw Minhyuk.

 

\--

 

Hyungwon was somewhere. He couldn’t put a name on it. Maybe he’s not anywhere, after all, since he couldn’t make sense of anything, either. It felt weird, because he recalled feeling cold and wet but now he just felt like he was floating. There was nothing around him, and he could only register darkness surrounding him. Nothing, except for something white up ahead, the place being relatively brighter than the pit of darkness he was in.

He couldn’t stand the darkness; it was scary; lonely. Without much of a thought, he tried getting close to the light, thinking perhaps it would brighten his vision, too. Perhaps it would make him feel safer. So he kept walking forward.

However, as he was reaching the light, there was a doubt that he felt deep down in his heart. As he got closer and closer, he couldn’t help but feel immense guilt. It feels heavy. It ached first before the pain evolved into something else entirely. Suffocating. _Piercing._

Yet, he couldn’t deny the pull, either.

He felt that he missed something in there so badly. So much, he couldn’t bear being apart from it any longer. It’s as if his heart would cry if he didn’t get closer, something clawing at it when he got further away from it, threatening to wreck it all to bloody pieces.

 

It was only later that he realized there was a body.

A body so familiar to him.

A figure, that for some reason he was so sure he was so fond of.

The feeling that had been building inside of him, surging back in full-force. He felt safe, relieved to finally be close to the person beneath the veil again. Yet, the pain still suffocated him, torturing him to face the one  hidden below his palm.

 

He slowly pulled the veil.

 

\--

 

When he woke up he was sweating all over.

 

It was another nightmare. One that perhaps was still better than the reality he was in.

Still feeling his heartbeat racing, he reached toward his warm forehead. He had not been sleeping for days. It’s been going on since that day and the only sleep he got were the few hours in between where his body couldn’t take it anymore. It’s surprising he had not fallen to death yet. Again.

Death.

It has been a month since Minhyuk’s death.

 

That stupid brat just decided to reverse his action, giving up his life instead for the exchange.

That stupid, stupid, Minhyuk.

What did he think he would achieve by that?

There wasn’t much in Hyungwon’s life to begin with. Sure they got their friends, but did he think it would be enough? Was the boy that oblivious as to how much he meant to Hyungwon? Sure, he was the one to leave in the first place, because he couldn’t handle everything anymore, but it was Minhyuk that made him stay that long in the first place. It was only him and never the others.

 

_“I’m here, Hyungwon. I’m here. I will be with you”, his friend reassured._

Such a lie, it was.

Turned out it wasn’t the last time he saw him, either.

.

 

The last time he saw Minhyuk wasn’t when he was cradling his face, with his voice soothing his heart.

 

It was when he saw him in the morgue, the last time before his planned burial.

Two days after Minhyuk exchanged his life for his, their friends found them in that same room with the tub with Hyungwon looking very much out of it while holding Minhyuk’s hand that’s still hanging from the tub.

He recalled. The first minutes he was brought back to life, he thought he was dreaming. Into the next hour, however, he couldn’t believe it. He turned to look at Minhyuk’s face while they were both still in the tub, seeking for signs of life that never seemed to come.

 

He couldn’t accept it. He just couldn’t.

Around him, even amongst his friends, he kept feeling pain. So suffocating it was never easy to breathe. The loneliness was engulfing his soul in whole, and everytime he looked around he could only glower in envy.

Of not having his most important person. Of having no one he trusted enough to rely on. Of not having the only person he deem worthy of his life.

It’s not like there’s much to be envied of on the side of world he was in, but _there was still Minhyuk._ There wasn’t much to this life, but even Kihyun had Changkyun, Jooheon and Wonho got Shownu. It was only him left, and he could only be mad at himself. All these because he chose to leave to begin with.

 

It was his sin.

He was always too sure of the things he did, reckless, not even looking back.

He ran for the things his life didn’t have. He could have Minhyuk, but he still chose to ran away. Minhyuk could still be with him like he promised before he left back then, but Hyungwon turned his back on him. It was  _his_ mistake; that he was blinded by the life that didn't exist and forsook the hands that had always been holding his. Now that he was brought to life, Minhyuk is nowhere. Instead, he was hit even more by sceneries that kept reminding him of his friend.

It's always the one you try to leave behind that left in the end.

He didn’t care anymore if his ‘father’ beat him up. He didn’t care anymore if the troops outside threaten to shoot him. He barely cared that his friends told him to live and move on. What he cared about was, how in each good and bad situation that he could ever think there _was_ always Minhyuk, reassuring him, smiling at him, holding his hand.

But he was nonexistent now. The only existence of him seen in his nightmares that he couldn’t seem to be able to escape from, yet felt like solace compared to his overlapping reality. The things outside the dreams shouting out to him the truth, that Minhyuk is _dead._ There’s no guarantee if he would even meet him again in the afterlife. No guarantee logical enough for him of the after life in the first place. It was only logical to think that it was his punishment.

He was stuck here, without Minhyuk.

.

 

Sometimes, people forgot that life only went one way. You wouldn’t get one had you chosen the other. Decisions being the force of a finger pushing through a domino block lined up so neatly in front of or between many others. It was always one for the other; the worth of one’s life.

But there was no more block that Hyungwon could see.

Because, in all that he remembered, Minhyuk was in each and every of his domino blocks, and now that he wasn’t here, he just couldn’t see how his life could go on any longer.

He stared at the gun under his drawer, the one he had found while rummaging through the things in the house soon after his assigned ‘father’ got hospitalized from the fire.

 

Indeed, there was no more block that Hyungwon could see.

 

None other than himself, anyway.

 

 

*

**Author's Note:**

> I got somewhat inspired because a while back I listened to Epik High (feat. Nell)’s Amor Fati again, and the mood just fits? Especially Tablo’s quote in the lives, it’s the one I used for Minhyuk. Though I must say, I feel like the more I write in All In AU, also the more I noticed things that were going on there oTL  
> I've just realized this is in Hyungwon's POV. Feels fitting since the (somewhat) prequel is in Minhyuk's. Didn't plan that, even to the point of the story (There was always e/o) so that's like, amazing. Sad though, somehow I remembered wrong that Hyungwon got Envy (he got Pride, I guess), so I changed things a bit.


End file.
